The trouble with caring about people is that sometimes people can become lost. I don't mean they go anywhere, rather, that life becomes difficult for them, they flounder, they, for whatever reason, are eaten up by guilt, anger, sadness, or any of the other painful emotions. Sometimes it can be difficult to love the lost, especially as they can, at times, push away the very people they need the most. (This is not a personal thing, and should not be perceived that way – as it often is)
I know a thing or two about loving the lost because I am lost, right now, I'm all at sea, and I feel quite abandoned at the most awful time in my life. And so I know what I wish people understood about helping someone.
I'll start with something I touched on already, people in difficult times often push away those they need the most. This is not a personal thing against those people. Often, it's a defence mechanism, if you push people away nobody else can hurt you. Or it's because it's easy to take things out on those you know/hope care about you, it's safe, you know, or at least hope that they will understand this and come back to you.
When the air has been knocked out of your lungs it's not always easy to be sensitive about how you behave towards others.
What people need is for others to cut them a little slack. I'm not saying excuse arse hole behaviour but just understand a little why they might be behaving this way.
If a person isn't able to properly articulate how they feel and what they may need from you, don't berate them for that. Don't make them feel that not being able to properly articulate their needs is just another thing they can't do.
Second guess them. Stop waiting for them to phone you, because it just might be too difficult, they might be imagining the conversation in their heads, and imaging that you aren't interested, phone them. Don't wait to be invited round, it might be too hard to invite you, for fear that you may not come. Turn up. Turn up unannounced. You might be turned away, but knowing you cared enough to turn up might be the thing that keeps them going.
If your lost person reaches out, if they tell you I feel like nobody cares, believe them, it might not be true but that's how they feel. Don't tell them You should have phoned, messaged, you should have told me what you wanted me to do because they are already feeling bad enough.
I know now because of my own experience that if I have a friend who reaches out, who is struggling, who feels lost, I will love them so loud and so hard that they will be left in no doubt that I'm there for them.
People don't always need you to do anything for them. They just need you to be there. To show up. To love them louder.
Featured image from Pixabay.